Turning 25 marked a pivotal moment for me – it was when I realized that my struggles with anxiety and depression were probably here to stay. Having been ahead of my peers in grappling with mental health issues since childhood, I’ve always felt like my brain was wired differently. After years of traditional therapy, I stumbled upon Mindbloom, an at-home ketamine therapy program, and thought, “Why not give it a shot?”
My journey began in my childhood best friend’s apartment. Following Mindbloom’s instructions, I placed a ketamine tablet between my gums and cheek, hoping for a breakthrough. Despite my open-mindedness, my initial session felt underwhelming – more like a failed meditation attempt than a psychedelic journey.
However, I soon learned that ketamine therapy doesn’t always deliver dramatic, immediate results. Its primary function is to stimulate synaptic regrowth, disrupted by depression, and to induce a state of neuroplasticity. This makes your brain more amenable to forming new habits or breaking old ones – an opportunity I didn’t want to miss.
Dr. René Stokes, an expert in trauma’s cellular impact, described this state of neuroplasticity as a chance for profound healing. Some patients, she noted, experienced relief from decades-long symptoms, and ketamine’s efficacy in reducing suicidal thoughts is well-documented.
Mindbloom, a leading provider in this field, requires patients to undergo a vetting process before starting the program. I chose a guide from their team – someone who resonated with my level of metaphysical belief – and received my “Bloombox” with the essentials for my sessions.
Contrary to my expectations, my first few sessions, even after increasing the dosage, were quite mild. It wasn’t until the higher doses that I started experiencing more profound, emotional states. Yet, it was never overwhelming or frightening. Instead, it felt like drifting into a trance, accompanied by faint, amorphous visuals.
The real impact of ketamine therapy, I found, wasn’t in the sessions themselves but in the days following them. This was when I worked on being kinder to myself, breaking free from the negative thought patterns ingrained in me since childhood. I even started flossing more regularly, hoping to make a lasting change.
A breakthrough came during my midpoint integration session. My guide suggested focusing on my body rather than my thoughts, a concept that was new to me. She explained that trauma, even the non-physical kind, is stored in the body and that I couldn’t think my way into feeling safe.
After completing the program, I can’t say that ketamine therapy was a miracle cure. But it did offer a different perspective and a new approach to dealing with my mental health. It reminded me that I am capable of feeling joy and that life can be beautiful. While it may not have been what I expected, I consider my experience with Mindbloom a net positive in my journey toward better mental health.
